


To Live

by TiedyedTrickster



Series: I am Hogyoku [5]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Backstory, Gen, at least in regards to post invading Soul Society, character backstory expanded upon, in which the author gleefully ignores much of Kon's canon characterization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:46:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8745442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiedyedTrickster/pseuds/TiedyedTrickster
Summary: When you have no body and no voice, then all that's really left to you are your dreams. And sometimes - just sometimes - that can be enough to save you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (Modded Kon’s backstory a little for this, though it doesn’t really make much of a difference in the long run)

He sits on a shelf with his family - that is, the others like him, a group of inanimate objects that are, in truth, anything but. They are mod souls, warriors created to fight alongside the shinigami in battle against hollows, and they’re excited, whispering to each other thanks to the abilities of the Hear-and-Speaks on levels only they can comprehend. Some of them are newer, some are older, but they are all excited, eager to do their jobs, and they talk about how they’ll fight, wonder how the world will look from inside a human body, what they’ll do when they aren’t fighting. They don’t know much about non-fighting activities, to be honest – their inherent knowledge is mostly battle-related. From what they overhear when the shinigami talk, though, spending time with the opposite sex is considered a highly desirable activity, so they mostly plan to do that (once they find out what a ‘sex’ is (and how to opposite one)).

Sometimes a presence whispers among them, strange and large, aware and yet not. They call it Dream, and everyone is quiet when it’s around, even though it never really does anything other than be present. And Dream’s comings and goings are the only real way to mark the passage of time as they sit on their shelves in their room, waiting for the future to come.

FastJump wants the future to be _now_. He was created to move, to duck and weave and twist and finally leap to slash his enemy with the sword he’ll one day have, to kick and to run, and sitting still doesn’t suit him, even in his semi-dormant capsule form. BreakingPunch laughs at him about it, and ReiatsuMeasure councils him patience, but he can’t help it, he wants tomorrow to be today. He’s got plans, he’s going to be an _amazing_ ally, he’s going to purify so many hollows, and he’s already decided that he’s a he, even if most of his friends don’t really care about pronouns yet. The future’s exciting and the present involves a whole lot of Not Fighting Hollows, so why shouldn’t he be impatient? And the day when the first box of his family is taken away he’s so excited, because it can only mean that the future is _here_ and they’re finally being called on, they’re finally going to get real bodies and _fight_ , and he wishes he was closer to the front so he could go sooner.

Then the first Hear-and-Speak screams, and all the excitement vanishes as OtherHearAndTalk, who had been in the batch taken, cries out in horror.

_‘They’re killing us, they’re killing us, the shinigami are **killing us**!’_

And then FastJump is glad that he’s tucked away in a corner, because the future is here and it’s not what he’d wanted at all.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

The worst part is that there’s nothing any of them can do about it. Without bodies, not even the Hear-and-Speaks can communicate with the shinigami, beg them to stop, to know what they could possibly have done wrong. And it gets worse when the last of the Hear-and-Speaks are gone, because now the remaining mod souls can’t even talk to each other, only sit, trapped, helpless, awaiting death.

FastJump does not take his predicament gracefully. He screams and yells and begs for someone, _anyone_ to listen, to help them, he doesn’t want to die! Killing them like this, it isn’t right! But, at the same time, he know that no one will listen, no one will care. He is a mod soul, a created being. Who would help someone who isn’t even real?

Still he rallies, because he can’t find it in himself to give up. He’s so caught up in his railing that he doesn’t notice the other presence until it giggles. Then he shuts up pretty darn fast, because Dream has appeared from wherever it appears from, and it feels like it’s _watching_ him. This theory is proven correct a few moments later when, for the first time ever, Dream speaks.

 _‘You are a passionate one,’_ it says, voice soft and sleepy and rippling through him, _‘You woke me up a little. Or are you asleep, too?’_

 _‘I’m not asleep, I’m awake!’_ FastJump snaps, more terrified than he’s ever been, _‘Please don’t hurt me!’_

 _‘Huuurrrrrt~?’_ Dream sing-songs, like it doesn’t quite understand the concept, _‘Wasn’t it something else you wanted?’_

 _‘Well I want to not die, obviously,’_ he says, terror and imminent death making him bold.

Dream giggles again. _‘No, no – that’s too small… you are a dreamer… so very, very many… but no time for little dreams… sleepy…’_

FastJump can feel Dream fading away, and suddenly it comes to him that maybe Dream can help him, maybe this is his answer- _‘I want to fight!’_ he says, _‘The power to slay my enemies!’_

 _‘Too small…’_ Dream says, growing more distant, _‘Too small…’_

And his chance is fading and there _must_ be an answer, but he doesn’t know what it is and what **does** he want? What does he dream of, truly? Not simply surviving, not even killing or revenge, but-

 _‘I WANT TO LIVE!’_ he yells, desperate and scared, _‘I WANT TO **LIVE**!!!’_

And Dream is back fully now, perhaps more present than it has ever been. _‘ **That** is a very big dream indeed.’_

For one instant he can feel Dream’s entire focus on him and it is **_vast_** , and then it fades away, dragging him with it.

_‘Sleep with me awhile, little one…’_

And FastJump fades away, leaving behind a being that thinks only of being useful and talking proper care of a gigai and blending in while their shinigami works. An actual shinigami notices it and grumbles about some idiot mixing a soul candy in with the mod souls before putting it where it’s ‘supposed’ to be, grumbling all the while that he can’t wait until the last of those creepy things are destroyed. It’s not until over a hundred years later that the soul candy is finally used, and FastJump smiles as the orange-haired idiot goes off to fight.

As for FastJump, well… He’s got a body, a real one, not just a gigai, and he’s free. He’s going to see what this ‘life’ thing is all about.

 

-Present Day-

 

“Get up! Oi, get up!”

Kon grumbles a bit and curls up tighter in the drawer he’s snoozing in. It’s just Ichigo, after all, and Ichigo’s a jerk, because he has that stupid badge now and doesn’t need Kon’s help anymore, which means Kon doesn’t get to do much of anything these days, not even leave Ichigo’s boring old room. Whatever the teen wants him for, he can work for it.

“Dammit, Kon, where are you!?”

Kon smirks to himself. Ichigo’s dumb, too – he’s on the wrong side of the room. Kon switched snoozing spots months ago. Sure, the substitute shinigami’s going to be pissed as hell when he eventually finds him, and Kon’s going to suffer for it, but oh freaking well. He’s got his newest swimsuit magazine well hidden – let Ichigo do his worst.

Then footsteps approach his dresser and his drawer starts to move and, dammit, Ichigo must be getting smarter. Kon tenses, ready to run for it, when someone giggles.

…he knows that giggle. He’s only heard it once, but it’s a very distinctive giggle, and it was a rather memorable occasion. But- it can’t be. That- It had been-

“Why are you hiding, FastJump? I thought you wanted to live.”

Kon _vaults_ out of the drawer to gape at the people in the room. There’s Ichigo, of course, and big sis Rukia, looking as cute as ever, and- another big sis Rukia, with white hair and funny eyes and a bright red choker. New big sis Rukia looks at him, then covers her mouth slightly with a bright yukata sleeve and giggles. He can feel his eyes bugging out.

“ _Dream_?!?”

She lowers her hand and smiles. “Hello, FastJump.”

“ _FastJump_?” Ichigo’s got an eyebrow raised and big sis Rukia’s looking between Kon and Dream with a startled expression.

“You _know_ each other?!”

Dream tilts its head to the side. “Of course. Why did you think I wanted to see him?”

“ _FastJump_?” Ichigo repeats, starting to look way too amused by this bit of information.

Kon glares at him. “Yeah, _FastJump_. Us mod souls didn’t have proper names, so we called each other based on what we were made to do – and it’s better than ‘Strawberry.’”

“It’s ‘first guardian,’ dammit!”

“Both of you shut up!” big sis Rukia brings her fists down on both their heads simultaneously, then turns to Dream. “Hogyoku, how do you know Kon?”

Dream – Hogyoku? – smiles. “Even before I was awake, I was not entirely unaware – knowing yet not knowing. Sometimes I wandered a little, though I couldn’t go far. There was a place I liked, full of tiny specks of light. Some were brighter than others. The last time I saw them, one grew so bright, so full of dreams, that I woke up, just a little.” She stands up from where she’s been perched on the bed and walks over to Kon, gently pushing Ichigo out of the way with a bandage-wrapped hand. “I remember you, little one. Last time I was too asleep to do it properly, but now I am awake. I see the dreams in your heart, Kon. They taste vast.”

And she reaches out and her hand goes into his belly, grasping the little capsule that is truly _him_ , pulling him out before he can protest and _dropping him_ , and the world _contorts_ and then-

-then he catches himself on his hands and knees with a bump, and in an instant he’s on his feet, shouting. “What’s the big idea, huh?! You don’t just grab someone and _drop them_ like that! What if I’d rolled into one of the floor vents?! I’d have been- I’d… have…”

He stutters to a halt, partially because Hogyoku’s got a bemused look on her face but mostly because he’s pointing a finger at her. And… it’s not one of his lion claws, it’s an actual _finger_ , attached to an actual _hand_ , and _he has hands_ , dark-skinned and neat and so much more useful than paws. He stares and his throat goes tight, he _has_ a throat to go tight, then looks down. There’s a torso, mostly hidden by a blue-green yukata. Bare feet with long toes stick out from under it, and he can’t see them but he can _feel_ his legs, strong, _powerful_. They’ll send him faster and higher than his lion legs, or maybe even Ichigo’s. Trembling a bit, he raises his hands to feel his face. Nose, lips, ears, long-ish hair, eyes that are starting to burn as his throat gets even tighter. Slowly he looks up at Hogyoku.

“If this is a trick, it’s not funny.”

She tilts her head to the side and smiles at him. “No trick – just a promise fulfilled.”

“And- and this body?” he looks down at his hands, back at her, “It’s mine? It’s not going to go away?”

“Not unless you decide to enter the cycle of reincarnation.”

Kon stares at her a moment longer. Then he launches himself at her, only he’s not used to his new legs yet and he over does it, sending them both crashing to the floor, but he doesn’t care, just hugs her and sobs. “Thank-you thank-you thank-you…”

She laughs and pets his hair (his hair, _his_ , not someone else’s, not some borrowed body, _his_ ) and pushes them both into a sitting position. “Careful, don’t touch my skin or you’ll be burned,” she admonishes.

“ ‘kay,” he grins and wipes his eyes with one fist, “Hey, maybe now I can get a girlfriend!”

“Maybe now you can get a life,” Ichigo grumbles, but he also sounds someone stunned, so there’s less bite to it than there could be and, besides… he’s right. And Kon just can’t find it in himself to be offended because of this, because for once Ichigo being right is the best thing in the world.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Later, when the whole ‘holy crap, I have a body!’ shock has died down some, Kon gets a proper look at himself, at his face ( _his_ face). It’s a bit similar to Yoruichi’s in shape, and he’s got huge black eyes and dark blue hair that falls smooth to his shoulders and makes a bit of a fringe on his forehead. It’s one of those faces that’s hard to pin down in terms of actual age – could be anywhere between eighteen and thirty. He’s also extremely cute. Kon would have preferred handsome, but he supposes he can work with cute (girls are _very_ fond of cute things, after all), especially since it turns out he’s approximately the same height as Rukia.

“How come I’m so short?” he asks Hogyoku curiously when he notices, “Wouldn’t tall make more sense – longer legs and all?”

Hogyoku shakes her head. “Small is better for you, for two reasons. First, you’re compact and light – you’ll go faster and farther with less effort.”

Kon thinks about this for a moment, then nods. Fair enough. “Okay, makes sense. And the second reason?”

She winks at him. “I think I’ll let you discover that one on your own!”

He finds out the second reason the first time he meets Lieutenant Matsumoto in his new form.

“Uwa~ you’re so _adorable_!!!” the enthusiastic shinigami gushes, glomping onto him. And since he’s also pretty close to Captain Hitsugaya in height, well…

Suffice to say, Kon has fully grasped the advantages of being short.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you remember the very first time you read/watched Bleach? I do. I remember the arc where Kon was introduced for the first time, before he was even called ‘Kon.’ And I remember being so excited by his character concept – a created being who values life so highly that he’ll protect ants and refuses to kill, based on his experiences in the past wherein everyone else like him was killed simply for existing? And he’s a bit of a show-off and a goof? Sign me the heck up, YEAH! …aaaaand then he turned into a perverted gag character. And I never really got over that, or how he never really got a chance to become much more than that even when Ichigo got that badge and Kon’s existence became pretty much pointless.
> 
> So, in this universe at least, I’m going to give him the potential to be more – let him socialize and learn and grow in the way he never got to in canon. Is he still going to be a bit of a perv? Probably, but some people are, and he’ll likely learn to curb his tendencies eventually. As for what he’s going to do, there’s two options at this point. The first is that he returns to Soul Society and work as a messenger or a runner for the 4th division or something else useful that requires you to be quick (that or he will act as a meat shield for Hitsugaya in regards to Matsumoto (which would work for everyone – Matsumoto has someone small and cute to glomp, Kon gets consensual exposure to breasts at point-blank range, and Hitsugaya can get on with his life)). The other option is that he’ll stay in the human world for a bit longer and act as a sentry of sorts – patrolling the town while Ichigo’s in school for hollows or spirits that are unable to move on, so that Ichigo can get there faster when he does need to intervene. 
> 
> For those wondering, Kon’s body is like a regular shinigami’s, as opposed to a human’s.  
> You’re kind of a twit in canon, Kon, but here, at least, you can be the character I wanted you to be.
> 
> In general Hogyoku actually prefers to use ‘it’ over ‘she,’ he,’ or any other pronouns, including other gender-neutral ones, because technically it is a sentient object, and it cheerfully embraces this fact. The rest of soul society tends to be a little uncomfortable using ‘it’ for such a powerful, sentient being, however, and often default to ‘she,’ since its body was Rukia’s gigai. Hogyoku is amused by this.


End file.
